Day 4: How to share mindfulness with your kids


第四天的访问对象是Carla Naumburg.

* It has to start with us. We need to understand the concept. We need to practice along side with our kids.
* We have to be on board before getting the kids to be on board.
* Start with small

Tips:
1. Share mindfulness activity with kids when they are at good place (good mood, not upset, and open to ideas)
2. Work with your kid's style and the style of your family
3. If you don't know what else to do, start with breathing

Simple activities to start with kids:

Breathing activity:
1. Move up - inhale, move down - exhale
2. 3 magic breath/deep breath - Breathe in and breathe out
** modeling is important **

Noticing activity:
- Take 2 minutes, and notice 3 things we see. No judgment.
- Notice anything red in the room.
- Notice 2 sounds (Listening meditation)

* Pay attention on what's happening = mindfulness = notice

有空可以去Carla的网站看看 - Carla Naumburg

相关文章：
HunterYoga: Mindful Mama Immersion Week: START
Day 1 - Are you making these communication mistakes?
Day 2 - How do I fit it all in? Time Management for Mamas
Day 3 - Respectful parenting with Parent Effectiveness Training

终于听了这个长达一小时的webinar。这是由Great Parenting Show的Jacqueline Green主讲的。

这是我在听着的时候抄下的小笔记。

The problem: We have lost our natural power to parent
***Alignment***

The connection or line that makes us want to cooperate with and behave like/for another

Attachment = primal, basic force - natural but seriously eroded

1. Order (like the planets)
2. Protects
3. Directs Attention
4. Provides a model
5. Psychological rest

Ways alignment is eroded:
* media and devices
* separation
* starts and stops
* extended family absent
* lack of community
* stress
* too high expectations
* mental health issues
* discipline that divides

Problems fueled by alignment issues:
* anxiety and depression
* disrespectful, disobedient, demanding kids
* ADHD
* maturation - failure to thrive and become responsible
* drugs, alcohol
* cutting
* thrill seeking
* bullying
* suicide/suicidal ideation

1st tip: How to get your child's cooperation?
* Alignment = It's the LINE (a-lign)
** alignment = deep, deep connection **
* We need to make sure the line is there, and it's picked up, before we ask the children to do something - make sure it's connected

Attention: pick up the LINE between you
Look: look at your child AND make eye contact ideally
Interest: connect to what your child is interested in
Grin: go for the grin or smile
Nod: see if you can get agreement so that they nod

2nd tip: How to control your emotions?
** Breathe **
* tell yourself "It's not urgent"
* See the gift - presence

* How alignment helps with your emotions -

3rd tip: How to deal with aggression?
If we are upset, we are like entering a traffic circle (roundabout).
There are 3 choices:
1. Change
2. Accept
3. Explode

* How alignment reduces aggression?

Three keys to change:
1) right information
2) repetition
3) support

这个webinar主要是介绍这个课程 - Alignment Parenting

小瑜和小可都问，为什么没有脚。。。呵～ 
我说脚让被子盖住了。小可掀开被子，还是没有脚啊。。。我是不是要再做大象的脚呢。:P
似乎不是很适合做这样的玩意给孩子哦。。。



刚发现，小瑜在这个Facebook帖子里留言：写yu

今天在Facebook看到这个分享：

Open your mouth only if what you are going to say is more beautiful than silence.

终于完成了小可的红包袋 ，虽然Hello Kitty的眼睛和鼻子的位置不是很对，小可还认得是猫猫。呵～


背部就缝了两粒简单的柑


终于在新年前做好这个简单的小袋子，做给小可的第一个袋子/包包。小可一看到这个娃娃，就说妹妹。呵～


背面缝上小可的名字，缝了一颗纽扣。

这个叫button snake吧，主要是让小孩扣纽扣。只是，我似乎做得不那么对，因为我没有用纽扣，只是单纯想然小可用缎带穿过去而已。
做这个是为了让小可玩玩，不过现在小瑜比较喜欢玩。这是和小瑜一起做的。



参考http://happyhooligans.ca/button-snake/

2015.1.28

一堆还未处理的树枝。。。什么时候才会把它们处理好呢?


一年后的今天，这一堆树枝依然还未处理。处理了一些，还有很多。呵~



还没做这个orange lantern:
http://welcometoprojectville.blogspot.my/2012/01/diy-orange-lanterns.html

Day 3: Respectful parenting with Parent Effectiveness Training

第三天的访问对象是之前Hunter去上Parent Effectiveness Training Course的时候的导师Meike Lemmens.

* Be a competent listener
* Teach mutual problem solving with the children, the children can take the responsibility of solving the problem too
* Parents are persons, not God

* Parents always complain the kids are not listening, but when parents have improved their listening skills, the kids will sooner learn to listen to the parents as well

这个访谈似乎是介绍Parent Effective Training带给我们的好处，当然我也还是学习到一些。

Meike Lemmens的网站 - Parenting Classes

相关文章：
HunterYoga: Mindful Mama Immersion Week: START
Day 1 - Are you making these communication mistakes?
Day 2 - How do I fit it all in? Time Management for Mamas

Day 2: How do I fit it all in? Time Management for Mamas

第二天的访问对象是Project Me的Kelly Pietrangeli。这一次聊的是时间管理。


To have a todo list that works for you
1) brain dump
- write down, bring down from your brain - if it's in your brain, you are not mindful
2) categorize or organize to project (break down to step-by-step) or just one time off task
3) get rid of those which are not essential or necessary to do
4) prioritize (important and urgent, important but not urgent yet, not important and not urgent, delegate)

* Don't go into your inbox or social media until you get your first thing done
* Identify 3 important tasks for the day
* Forget about being a perfect mama, just being present with your kids and taking care of ourselves.
* Focus on what is the most important


时间管理是我一向以来都很弱的领域，虽然我喜欢计划，整理，组织，但就是不太擅长管理时间。可能是我很随性，想到什么就做什么，很有冲劲的时候就一鼓作气去做，热忱冷却了就搁在一旁，忘了。很多想做的事情，都只是“想做”，不一定是需要做和重要的，但都放在脑里。脑里堆积太多了，心可能也因此而烦躁了。我很喜欢那brain dump的做法，把脑里，心里想做的事情写下来，然后慢慢整理。要清楚知道最重要的事情，那就好。

Kelly P也分享了一些她的Action Sheets,或许会对我们整理那to do list有帮助。

相关文章：
HunterYoga: Mindful Mama Immersion Week: START
Day 1 - Are you making these communication mistakes?

Day 1: Are you making these communication mistakes?

第一天的访问对象是Teach Through Love的Lori Petro.
这也是其中一位我很喜欢关于parenting的导师(Mom Educator).

1. The kids do not listen to me
Advice: Observe/notice - describe what'd happened and what I felt, but not talk at the kid and tell them what they should do.

2. We set the limit and rigidize it, and try to convince them that they need to do that.
Advice: Acknowledging kids' feeling, do not ignore their feeling, and do not try to change their state at the moment.
* say "Yes,..."
* Honor children's idea

How to deal with yelling at kids?
* self care
* put your kids at the safe place, walk away and calm down yourself. This helps to show the kids what to do when they are angry as well.

** Spend at least 15 minutes a day to have connected one-on-one time with the kid. Let the kid do what he wants.

在听着大概20分钟的访谈中，抄下了这些小小笔记。
这些都是我现有的问题。学习冷静，学习尊重，学习观察。
我不是一个喜欢被人强迫做事的人，我想我孩子也像我一样，都不喜欢。或许没有人喜欢吧？只是有时候，我还是会强迫孩子去做不喜欢的事情。虽然有些事是一定要做，但我可以用比较冷静和轻松的态度去引导他们去做。引导，或许会用比较长的时间和耐心，但效果一定比“凶”好很多。

Teach Through Love有很多影片教导我们怎么处理一些常见的问题。我看了一些，觉得蛮不错的。该多去看看，然后好好学习。

好了，明天再去看第二天的访谈吧。今天晚上睡觉前好好省思。

** 这是别人的笔记分享 **
1. Observe more before judging
2. Acknowledge their feelings before forcing yours
3. Self care... take a time out teach by example
4. Let them lead through play to show you care

相关文章：

HunterYoga: Mindful Mama Immersion Week: START

我一直想学习mindfulness。我也不确定mindfulness的中文怎么说，就活在当下，专注于每一刻吧。

最近蛮喜欢去Hunter Yoga这个网站学习，可能是可以学习静心，瑜伽之余，也可以学习怎么当个mindful mama.

这个星期，Hunter Yoga主办了一个星期的免费课程 - Mindful Mama Immersion Week. 找了找，immersion的意思是沉浸，专心。算是这个星期，让自己沉浸于mindful mama的学习吧。课程开始了两天，我现在才开始。不过，这是长期的学习，所以也不算迟，就现在开始用心学习吧。

很久没写部落格了，因为很多其它的事情在“忙”，因为懒惰。不过，我还是喜欢随意写写，还有记录。这可以让自己想得更清晰，也可以督促自己学习。就从这个Mindful Mama Immersion Week的学习开始记录吧。

在课程开始前，Hunter Yoga分享了每天10分钟练习。这10分钟练习，我在她之前的课程也学习过，不过没有好好地去练习。现在就每天花10分钟好好地练习吧。

早上起床之后练习：
1. 4 minute gentle yoga
2. 3-5 minute Meditation
3. LovingKindness Practice

最近尽量每天花一些时间静坐，通常都在晚上睡觉前。我想，早上起床后静坐一下也很好，只是很多时候我早上起床之后还有点迷糊，静坐的话，或许容易再睡。做一做瑜伽，伸展一下，再静坐，或许比较恰当。^_^

很久没写部落格文章了。一直说，至少要在2015年结束前写一篇，还是没写到。今天2016年了，还是要来写一写吧。

2016年，想要学习的是快乐和平静。
我想，这也是我这一生想追求，想寻找，想学习的吧。

孔子说，三十而立，四十而不惑。
我算是“立”了吗？至少知道自己的路，自己的方向，自己的使命了。
现在快四十了，想做到不再有迷惑，心可以静下来，可以不受外界的影响。

==========================================================

2016年，想要专注的领域：

1. Homeschooling
2. Parenting
3. Mindfulness

除了homeschooling,想了又想，却不知道parenting和mindfulness的中文怎么写。

parenting的中文翻译应该是“父母对孩子的教养”吧。这是我要学习的，不算是学习怎样教养孩子吧，而是学习怎样调整自己作为妈妈的心态。当妈妈快7年了，我仍在努力学习中。
这一年，算是比较清楚自己要怎么做，所以在新的一年就要学习，去修自己的心，真正用爱去对待孩子。所以，主要还是要学习mindfulness吧。

其实，mindfulness的中文真正叫什么呢？要学习的是，专注当下的每一刻。学会了活在当下，我就会好好地生活，我就会是个好妈妈了。哈哈~~

homeschooling
今年，小瑜七岁了，得正式上课了。之前都是让孩子在家自由地玩，所以没怎么需要备课。现在要学习备课了。还好一年级的课程还算简单，所以这个时候可以让我好好学习怎么规划。这一年，算是我和小瑜在家教育的“适应期”吧。也要学习怎么在教小瑜的同时，也照顾小可，还有未出世的宝宝。

=======================================================

学习，简简单单。
学习，活在当下。

祝福大家有个愉快和平静的一年！